Attempt #2

I don't know if anyone is still following this blog or not.  If they are awesome, if not, then I get to keep it quiet for a while longer.  If you do happen to see this please keep it quiet elsewhere until I know a little bit more.  I don't want to tell a ton of people and then have to tell them later that something happened.

Anyways, we are pregnant again, 8 weeks today.  First appointment was Monday April 23rd and we had an ultrasound and didn't see a heartbeat but I am very sure there was more baby in there than the last time.  The Dr said the baby was measuring just before or around when they develop a heartbeat so that gave me some hope.  Very discouraging but symptoms have been more than last time.  I am hoping that I just ovulated late and we will see one Tuesday, a week and a day later or that maybe the Dr just missed it.  This ultrasound is at the hospital so they should have better equipment than the drs office ultrasound machine.  If you are reading this thoughts and prayers would be so appreciated!  Thanks!  

New Blog

http://happeningsofbecky.blogspot.com/
I decided to start a new blog not primarily related to pregnancy although it might include some references to pregnancy.  I didn't feel right about posting other things in a blog I dedicated only to pregnancy.  However don't leave because I am hoping to begin posting here again before the end of this year!  Stay tuned!

Thats the end of that

We didn't see a heartbeat or a baby in this ultrasound either.  She diagnosed it as a blighted ovum and it should soon miscarry from my body.  I am doing ok, surprisingly better than I thought I would be.  I think that is in part to the prayers that everyone sent up for me, which I greatly appreciate.  It wasn't the outcome I wanted but I do think God helped me through it.  Sometimes I think it was just easier before I was a Christian.  Then I didn't care what God thought or what his will was for me.  Now I think about what he wants for me.  I wish I knew for sure.

So what our plan of action is right now is to let my body do its thing and expel the tissue from my body.  If this doesn't work I am going to take medicine to make my body abort the tissue.  I am going to save the scary nasty D&C for last if the other two don't get rid of everything.  Then the Dr wants me to go through a normal cycle before we try again.  I think we are going to try again.  Continue to pray for us :)

A little bit of everything

Babies babies everywhere!   My brother in law and his wife were induced today because of high blood pressure.  They expect to meet their baby very soon!  Last I knew they switched her over to have a c section.  Scary stuff. A friend of mine got to bring her baby home after a bit of a stay in the hospital.  I think he was about a month premature.  He is doing so much better and seems so strong!  I am excited about all these babies.  However the excitement is dampered a little bit with concern for my own little baby growing inside me.  I just hope and pray so hard that we see something tomorrow.  My appointment is at 10 so I will know sometime after that.  I just don't know if I can stand it if we don't see anything.  I won't even know what to do at that point!

I have been working on housework today.  I want my house clean before Thanksgiving.  Not like we have anyone coming over but it would just be nice to eat Thanksgiving dinner in a clean house :)  I didn't get as far as I wanted but my living room floor is picked up and a load of dishes and clothes has been started.  I might fold some clothes here and put them away.

Got my blood work back

My numbers went from around 58,000 to 60,000 which isn't as much of an increase as they want to see but it is an increase and I think that is encouraging.  I have another ultrasound on Wednesday and Melodie says we will know for sure then.  I really hope everything is fine because I am not ready to call this pregnancy a dud.  I suppose if it does then I will have to accept that and grieve and get over it.

I am having some troubles finding someone to work for me.  Everyone either already does or if they don't they are either at the service desk, layaway, or CSM and can't switch with me because I don't know any of that.  I am going to talk to my main manager tomorrow when I go into work and see what she says.  If I can't get the desired response out of her I am going to my store manager.  All else fails I will go all the way to Bentonville because I have a Dr saying that working this shift could be bad for my health or the health of my baby.  This is not me just trying to get out of this, I was actually kind of excited to work it... something new and the fact that they trusted my ability to deal with customers on this difficult day and do my job efficiently.  It would be in their best interest to help find someone who can work this because if they don't there is no way I am going to be there.

   

First Ultrasound

I had my first Ultrasound on Friday.  We didn't see much of anything but a gestational sack and a yolk sack.  I could be not as far along as we thought and so if we wait a bit things may be different later.  We have another on Wednesday.  I really hope baby decides to make an appearance.  I had some more blood work done on my HCG levels on Friday.  I will have them checked again on Sunday to make sure they are going up.  If they are then things are probably good, if they are going down then it is game over!  I am not ready for that.

If my symptoms are any indication then todays emotional roller coaster says everything is fine.  I was very upset about my house being a mess and then DH mentions how he doesn't do anything.  And he does... he goes to work and goes to school and I am here more than he is and I should be doing some housework too.  So that had me very upset and hubby decided to make me feel better and two seconds later I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath.  Sometimes I worry because I don't have morning sickness but then my mom said she didn't a whole lot either.

Work is going fine.  I do have to find someone to work my shift for Thanksgiving and into the day after because my dr didn't think it was a good idea to have me work overnight with taking insulin.  She says it can be difficult with someone who does it everynight... someone who just does it once it is almost impossible to keep it under control.

Ponderings of a pregnant woman

Last night I had another weird dream.  I dreamt that my parents had bought a house.  It was a little run down and needed work and cleaning but nice.  I went to help them clean up and was sweeping cobwebs.  A black widow spider ran out, it was huge, but my Dad said it wasn't a black widow spider because it had only half an hour glass and was on the wrong side.  Then he picked it up and proceeded to chase me with it.  I don't remember what happened to that spider but then I was sweeping the cobwebs again and a mom black widow dropped down with dozens of little babies.  I tried to squish them all but I didn't get them.  I told Mom she needs to get an exterminator or something in here.

I had been trying to decide where to have my baby.  I have worked with my OB/GYN from Moberly now since March and she helped me get pregnant.  I think we are going to have it done here in Moberly and stick with Melodie.  She has been great with me, very supportive and encouraging.  If I went to Columbia I would have to find and trust a new Dr all over again.  I have heard some bad things about Moberly, however since trying to get pregnant I have had to go several times for bloodwork, have had to learn how to give myself insulin, and relearn how to eat healthy.  So far I have had good experiences all around with everything done there.  When I went in the most recent time to have blood drawn for bloodwork I got really nauseated and light headed.  They put the chair back and let me rest there for a while until I felt better.  I have been working with Moberly since the beginning and since Melodie knows my situation I am going with Moberly.  Columbia sounds great but I just think keeping it local is the best choice for me!