Thats the end of that

We didn't see a heartbeat or a baby in this ultrasound either.  She diagnosed it as a blighted ovum and it should soon miscarry from my body.  I am doing ok, surprisingly better than I thought I would be.  I think that is in part to the prayers that everyone sent up for me, which I greatly appreciate.  It wasn't the outcome I wanted but I do think God helped me through it.  Sometimes I think it was just easier before I was a Christian.  Then I didn't care what God thought or what his will was for me.  Now I think about what he wants for me.  I wish I knew for sure.

So what our plan of action is right now is to let my body do its thing and expel the tissue from my body.  If this doesn't work I am going to take medicine to make my body abort the tissue.  I am going to save the scary nasty D&C for last if the other two don't get rid of everything.  Then the Dr wants me to go through a normal cycle before we try again.  I think we are going to try again.  Continue to pray for us :)

A little bit of everything

Babies babies everywhere!   My brother in law and his wife were induced today because of high blood pressure.  They expect to meet their baby very soon!  Last I knew they switched her over to have a c section.  Scary stuff. A friend of mine got to bring her baby home after a bit of a stay in the hospital.  I think he was about a month premature.  He is doing so much better and seems so strong!  I am excited about all these babies.  However the excitement is dampered a little bit with concern for my own little baby growing inside me.  I just hope and pray so hard that we see something tomorrow.  My appointment is at 10 so I will know sometime after that.  I just don't know if I can stand it if we don't see anything.  I won't even know what to do at that point!

I have been working on housework today.  I want my house clean before Thanksgiving.  Not like we have anyone coming over but it would just be nice to eat Thanksgiving dinner in a clean house :)  I didn't get as far as I wanted but my living room floor is picked up and a load of dishes and clothes has been started.  I might fold some clothes here and put them away.

Got my blood work back

My numbers went from around 58,000 to 60,000 which isn't as much of an increase as they want to see but it is an increase and I think that is encouraging.  I have another ultrasound on Wednesday and Melodie says we will know for sure then.  I really hope everything is fine because I am not ready to call this pregnancy a dud.  I suppose if it does then I will have to accept that and grieve and get over it.

I am having some troubles finding someone to work for me.  Everyone either already does or if they don't they are either at the service desk, layaway, or CSM and can't switch with me because I don't know any of that.  I am going to talk to my main manager tomorrow when I go into work and see what she says.  If I can't get the desired response out of her I am going to my store manager.  All else fails I will go all the way to Bentonville because I have a Dr saying that working this shift could be bad for my health or the health of my baby.  This is not me just trying to get out of this, I was actually kind of excited to work it... something new and the fact that they trusted my ability to deal with customers on this difficult day and do my job efficiently.  It would be in their best interest to help find someone who can work this because if they don't there is no way I am going to be there.

   

First Ultrasound

I had my first Ultrasound on Friday.  We didn't see much of anything but a gestational sack and a yolk sack.  I could be not as far along as we thought and so if we wait a bit things may be different later.  We have another on Wednesday.  I really hope baby decides to make an appearance.  I had some more blood work done on my HCG levels on Friday.  I will have them checked again on Sunday to make sure they are going up.  If they are then things are probably good, if they are going down then it is game over!  I am not ready for that.

If my symptoms are any indication then todays emotional roller coaster says everything is fine.  I was very upset about my house being a mess and then DH mentions how he doesn't do anything.  And he does... he goes to work and goes to school and I am here more than he is and I should be doing some housework too.  So that had me very upset and hubby decided to make me feel better and two seconds later I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath.  Sometimes I worry because I don't have morning sickness but then my mom said she didn't a whole lot either.

Work is going fine.  I do have to find someone to work my shift for Thanksgiving and into the day after because my dr didn't think it was a good idea to have me work overnight with taking insulin.  She says it can be difficult with someone who does it everynight... someone who just does it once it is almost impossible to keep it under control.

Ponderings of a pregnant woman

Last night I had another weird dream.  I dreamt that my parents had bought a house.  It was a little run down and needed work and cleaning but nice.  I went to help them clean up and was sweeping cobwebs.  A black widow spider ran out, it was huge, but my Dad said it wasn't a black widow spider because it had only half an hour glass and was on the wrong side.  Then he picked it up and proceeded to chase me with it.  I don't remember what happened to that spider but then I was sweeping the cobwebs again and a mom black widow dropped down with dozens of little babies.  I tried to squish them all but I didn't get them.  I told Mom she needs to get an exterminator or something in here.

I had been trying to decide where to have my baby.  I have worked with my OB/GYN from Moberly now since March and she helped me get pregnant.  I think we are going to have it done here in Moberly and stick with Melodie.  She has been great with me, very supportive and encouraging.  If I went to Columbia I would have to find and trust a new Dr all over again.  I have heard some bad things about Moberly, however since trying to get pregnant I have had to go several times for bloodwork, have had to learn how to give myself insulin, and relearn how to eat healthy.  So far I have had good experiences all around with everything done there.  When I went in the most recent time to have blood drawn for bloodwork I got really nauseated and light headed.  They put the chair back and let me rest there for a while until I felt better.  I have been working with Moberly since the beginning and since Melodie knows my situation I am going with Moberly.  Columbia sounds great but I just think keeping it local is the best choice for me!

Busy Day

So I got everything done today that needed to be done.  My ob/gyn called and cancelled my appointment on me.  I hate that!  I was going to see the baby today and hopefully a heartbeat!  Now I have to wait until Friday.  Major disappointment!  I took a nap after all my running and the weird dreams have started I think.  I read I think on thebump.com that weird dreams accompany pregnancy but if you ask James I had strange dreams to begin with.  This one started we went somewhere and stayed in a motel.  The room we stayed in was for sale but hadn't sold yet and it was the only one they had so they stuck us in there.  It started out really nice with several rooms and fairly roomy.  As I started exploring the room more it got bigger!  It ended up expanding to a two level room with two hot tubs, one was regular and the other was like a bed hot tub in one... weird.  The bed hot tub had a curtain that was a waterfall.  It was kinda cool!  Suddenly there were other people in the room and it got rather inappropriate at that point!  Definitely a weird dream!

So yea so far I love being pregnant but we will see what the next few months hold!

So bummed

I can't find my wedding ring.  I was checking last night at Wal Mart when I looked down and realized my wedding ring was not there.  My other ring that I wear was on and I don't think I have ever put one on without the other.  I can only guess that it slipped off as it has been getting a bit big with me loosing some weight in the past.  I can't even remember when I last had it, probably when I put lotion on my hands before work.  I looked in the general area that I put the lotion on but didn't see it.  Sometimes I put lotion on my hands while at work if they are getting really dry but don't think I did that yesterday.  I am very sad :(

Everything seems to be going ok baby wise.  I still don't feel very pregnant.  Most of the time my only symptom is sore boobs.  I am six weeks along today and thebump.com says potato is about the size of a pea.

ETA: I found it!  Someone had turned it in at Wal Mart!  Thank God for honest people who still do the right thing!

Update!

Things are looking up everyday!  I have  been successfully giving myself insulin for a few days now.  It hasn't been as bad as what I thought it would be.  I have actually been having a fairly easy time with it.  We already have a crib and highchair.  I am very happy about the crib!  I had to have blood drawn today for some lab work.    They had to  take several vials for all the different tests.  By the time it was all done I felt very light headed and woozy!  I told the nurse I was going to get sick so she gave me a garbage can.  I dry heaved and felt better.  After that I recovered quickly and left.  I sat in my car for a few minutes and ate some peanut butter crackers.

I am going to be a busy body on Monday.  I wake up and have an appointment at the WIC office at 8, then an appointment with the dietitian, then I have to give Family Services some paperwork, and finally an appointment with ob.  I think we get to do an ultrasound at this one.  I am excited!

Feeling Better Today

I am feeling much less overwhelmed today than I did yesterday.  I have applies for temporary medicaid for pregnant women.  That takes a large load off my shoulders because I learned my insurance wasn't going to cover the appointment to learn how to do the insulin and to learn how to eat right.  This seriously frustrated and disappointed me because my baby's life is at stake if I can't get my blood sugar under control and I can't just be aimlessly injecting myself when I don't know how!  Now I am sure the medicaid will cover these appointments and more!  Such a relief!!!  I have been adding to my baby registry.  If anyone wants to look at it through babysrus.com name Rebekah Cross.  I started this registry a few weeks before I knew I was pregnant.

Some days I just don't feel pregnant.  I read on thebump forums though that there are many women who feel this way who are as far along as I am so I am not going to worry about anything until the Dr tells me otherwise and she didn't seem to have any need for concern at my appointment other than the blood sugar which I must say even without the insulin yet is doing quite well I think.  I don't remember if I mentioned it but I stopped taking metformin for a while.  Then the dr said that can increase my chances of a miscarriage so I rethought that decision and started taking it again.  I really do think it helps with my blood sugar, that and diet.  She has me checking it five times a day!  I hate doing it, I hate poking myself, and I don't see how I will ever be able to inject myself with insulin.  I know its for the babies own good but I have such a hard time just sticking myself to test my sugar.  I guess I need prayers that I will be able to do this that God will give me the strength to inject the insulin.  I am very apprehensive about this!  I have my appointment to learn how to do this tomorrow.  James is planning on going with me.  I am a little scared!

First Drs Appointment

Talk about overwhelming!!!  I am going to have to take insulin throughout the pregnancy.  I have an appointment with a Diabetes specialist and a dietitian.  I have to get metformin still and prenatal vitamins.  I don't know how I am going to afford all this!  My insurance isn't all that great and a lot of what I had reserved for medial expenses was spent last year trying to get pregnant!  I don't know if I can do this!  Can I really provide for this little life inside me?  Was this a mistake?

Nausea

I was very nauseous upon waking this morning.  It has got a bit better and I am trying to eat a piece of toast but it seems my body says no because it took me forever to get that first bite swallowed.  Maybe oatmeal will be better!  My blood sugar is steadily increasing, was 124 yesterday and 133 this morning.  I took a metformin.  All I can think about in that aspect is what happened to the baby of someone I know and if I remember correctly they think it was due to blood sugar problems.  It terrifies me that my body might not carry this baby to full term. That is my biggest worry now.  This baby is barely the size of an apple seed and I am a worrying mother already!

Saturday November 5, 2011

Ok so I couldn't think of a title so I just went with the date.  My blood sugar was 124 this morning.  I am starting to worry about it.  I hope everything will be ok.  I have been feeling slightly nauseous but no morning sickness yet.  Not a whole lot interesting today.  May post more later after I get off work.

ok adding some more.  I typed up a list of questions to ask the doctor on Monday.  I am so scared it is not going to stick.  I am terrified I am going to loose the baby.  I know I need to trust God on this and I do, but it is in my mind often.  I've only known about my baby for less than a week and already I am a worried mother!

Due Date

I have tried two due date calculators.  One said July 11th and asked a few questions like my last period, my cycle length, and my luteal phase.  The second one said July 8th and only asked for first day of last period.  So  it seems somewhere around July early to mid July.  I can't wait til Monday when I get my first doctors appointment.  I will probably get a more official due date then.  I took another pregnancy test today just to see the positive again and give me a little bit of a piece of mind that things were still ok.  I worry that one day it will just be gone, or I took three faulty tests.
Oh Names!!!  Our names are Zacchaeus Amadeus Cross and Emma Rose Cross.  Zacchaeus because I wanted a name that is unique and a biblical name.  That and my family is all short and his family is all tall so it will be ironic either way!  I also think Z names are very cool!  Amadeus was my husbands idea and I liked the way it rang with Zacchaeus.  I think his called name might be Ami.  Emma Rose is chosen because my grandmother goes by Emmy and my husbands grandmother is Emma so we thought it a very fitting name!  Rose is a passed down middle name given to my grandmother who gave it to my mother who gave it to me.  This would be one of the reasons I hope for a girl.  I have always dreamed of handing down this middle name to my baby girl!  I also like the idea of dressing her up in cute little girl clothes!  So fun!  I would like a boy though because both DH's family and mine have a grandaughter but we would be the first one to give them a grandson... that and Zacchaeus Amadeus Cross is such a fun name!!!  I have had two ladies tell me they hope it's a girl because of the boy name but the more I look at it the more I love it!

First Three Days

I took two pregnancy tests on Wednesday and they both came back positive!  I can't even begin to describe my excitement and how ecstatic I was!  That whole day I didn't really feel pregnant, the only thing that told me was the two tests I held in my hand.  I took pictures and threw them away.  I started to get a headache later in the day.  I am going to chalk that up to the cold I soon developed afterwards.  I called my doctor twice that morning, one to set up an appointment and another to see if they wanted me to keep taking metformin.  My first appointment was on the 18th of November.  Then the doctor decided with some of the blood sugar issues I had been having that we should have an earlier one on that Monday, the 7th of November.  My blood sugar that morning was 110, not too terribly bad for a fasting number.  The next morning was 112.  Still not too bad considering I had one day about a month or so ago that was 160.  This morning it was 115, so steadily going up since not taking the metformin.
My breasts started majorly hurting yesterday.  I suppose it is a good sign but it is still rather uncomfortable.  My appetite has been increased a lot.  I seem to eat double of what I used to.  I think I am going to chalk up how emotional I was when Evangeline was born to pregnancy hormones.  That had to have been right about the time my body started producing the HGC hormone.  I have been majorly tired to but I think that is partially Autumns fault and partially because I haven't been feeling well but definitely a little bit of pregnancy thrown in there a well.